I am what I am. I became what I am. Over the years. One may say over decades. I have no excuses. I am not making any excuses. Will I be able to change? Probably. But why should I? Initially I felt the remorse. The first bribe. The first trip abroad, first class, paid by a businessman. They all wanted something. They wanted me. More than I wanted them. I got over the heaviness of my heart. Conscience left me alone. I was young. I began to enjoy the luxuries. Sometimes I think I earned it. It became a habit. Then I stopped thinking about it.
As one gets older one tends to reflect. Memories begin to play out like a movie in high definition. I don’t need my glasses to see that! The soul becomes heavy. Heavy with regrets. Before I die will it become light? I do not wish it to descend to the centre of the earth. To the depths of shame. My life is a long movie. It has no credits. No titles. No heroes. No villains. Just a few characters. Trying to cobble together a life dictated by events. The soles have worn out now. My feet are now touching firm ground.
As one gets older one tends to reflect. Memories begin to play out like a movie in high definition. I don’t need my glasses to see that! The soul becomes heavy. Heavy with regrets. Before I die will it become light? I do not wish it to descend to the centre of the earth. To the depths of shame. My life is a long movie. It has no credits. No titles. No heroes. No villains. Just a few characters. Trying to cobble together a life dictated by events. The soles have worn out now. My feet are now touching firm ground.
